peace

tuesday, may 11: sometimes, joy comes quietly. it sneaks up on you, creeps up, and maybe you don't even notice it. you are so consumed with errands and work and to-do lists and the kids' soccer practice and piano practice and tennis lessons that you forget to take a time-out and notice, hey. the sun is shining. or the breeze is blowing. or the wildflowers are spreading their color across the desert. or maybe just realizing that you are breathing and the air is flowing in and out and in and out and wow, isn't that just beautiful?

tweety bird

tuesday, may 4: i step outside and the warm spring air washes over me. i smile when i hear "tweety bird" chirp to me--"tweet, tweet! tweet, tweet!"--and i think of my son, who name the bird and felt such affection for the bird that he was sad to move and leave it behind.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

joy

april 2010: this year was much different than other years. this year, this year, life intervened. nothing went as planned. my boyfriend's dad was seriously ill and hospitalized. a came down with strep. none of my plans were materializing. and we all know how i am with plans.

once, when i was a teenager and rather fed up with my aunt, whom i love dearly but who can engender feelings of exasperation on a regular basis, my mom explained to me something key: she explained to me that my aunt has movie of each situation, each life scene, playing in her head, and when the movies in her head and real life don't match up, she has issues.

hmm, that sounds familiar. so maybe the reason my aunt can be exasperating to me so often is because she reminds me of me. i have gotten (mostly) better on this with age, and it is something i am proud to say i have (mostly) overcome. but this year, this year, the movies of my birthday celebrations did not match the reality. and i had issues.

while each celebration all added up to some incredibly beautiful and precious moments (perhaps even more sentimental than previous years), the getting there--the planning, the anticipation, the knowing what exactly is coming next--did not.

i suppose i should look back on this as a learning experience. a growing experience. a change-my-point-of-view and grow-up-and-become-a-better-person experience. and i suppose i will. but during the moments of planning and attempting to figure out who/what/when/where/how (right up until the planned/not planned action was taken, argh), i wanted to throw a fit about it. (really, i'm grown up, i swear i'm not four.)

do you ever get that feeling? the feeling of petulance or exasperation or worry or fear? the feeling that things are important and they aren't going your way and you are rather quite fed up with it, thankyouverymuch? maybe i'm all alone here. and maybe it's rather quite selfish of me. but man alive, i have really discovered that i am a big fan of certainty. i want to know exactly when, where and with whom things are happening. and i prefer to know this at least a few days ahead of time, if not a few weeks. this not-knowing thing really threw me. it caused some sleep-interrupting anxiety.

that said, the evening of my birthday dinner, even with a sick kid and an out-of-it boyfriend who forgot dinner was supposed to happen, was beautiful. a couldn't eat, but he snuggled the whole time with me and was so anxious for me to open his amazing gifts (a "best times with mom" book! coupons for "no whining for 4 hours"!). c was tired and exhausted, but he smiled and, most importantly, was there.

and the girls time together, just me and my mom and my sis and my sis-in-law, while thrown together with last-minute texts, was so joyous and bountiful and fun. i don't remember the last time i had such a satisfying and contented time with these women. our time together is usually so scattered and filled with children and significant others and family members interrupting. this was just us, laughing and talking for three full hours.

and the big trip, the trip out of town with just me and my boyfriend, which was supposed to be an easygoing get-away-from-it-all trip, and which almost didn't happen (the morning of: are you okay to go? do you think your dad will be ok? what do you mean, you're sick? do you think you will be ok? are you sure you are ok to go?), while anxiety-ridden (are you sure you are ok? do you feel well enough to hike? what do you mean, it's snowing? what do you mean, my wallet is missing? what do you mean, the road to the cliff dwellings is closed? what do you mean, we are out of gas?) was so. much. fun. the random side trips. finding the wallet with everything intact. making the hike to the cliff dwellings with his skin covered from head to toe (bubble boy!). getting upgraded in our cabin rental. reading in front of the woodstove. soaking in the hot tub in a tiny little hut and getting interrupted by pre-teen boys playing nerf tag who thought their targets were hiding inside. finding the world's greatest restaurant nestled at the end of a small mining town's downtown strip.

i think what i want to come away from this all with is that, while i appreciate (and prefer!) certainty and planning ahead and knowing exactly what is coming when and where and with whom, that is not a requirement for joy.

joy comes, maybe not in the spontaneity itself, but in the choice of allowing the beauty of the moment to exist as it is, even in its imperfection.


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

crowdsurfing

sunday, april 11: two big men hoist me up and send me flying. for a few short seconds (maybe 30?), i'm high above the crowd. i'm flying while my favorite band is playing my favorite song. i crash to the ground, not too painfully, jump up and run back to my friend. we jump and down and scream for joy.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

boredom

saturday, april 10: i check the last item off the list and realize i did everything--and then some. it takes awhile for me to name the sensation i'm feeling: boredom.


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

april 3-9

really? i've gone an entire week without posting? wow, life is busy! and it will remain so, at least through april 28. i have almost every minute of every day planned between now and then. lots of travel and homework and meetings and...my birthday!

so this month will be sporadic, and it will be so much fun, even though it will be busy.

i've kicked off the birthday season with a birthday lunch with my mom, sis & sis-in-law. totally spur-of-the-moment, and a highlight of a stressful day that started early with no sleep. laughing at the bakery, talking for three hours nonstop, wearing a wonderfully silly pink fuzzy hat and necklaces...i really cherish the time i get to spend with my wonderful girls.


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

spring cleaning

friday, april 2: i dump a gigantic box full of paper into the recycling bin, and exult in the joyous buoyancy of a clean office. unnecessary files are cleared, extraneous paper is gone and i can rest in peace.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

dnd

thursday, april 1: i start the day close to a nervous breakdown, and decide the best thing for me -- and those around me -- is to hole up in severe dnd. i emerge six hours later, with everything (and then some) scratched off my to-do list and a gigantic weight lifted off my shoulders.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

tree fort

tuesday, march 30: i found it. i found the place i will go for my birthday trip. i had to rearrange places and schedules, but it finally worked out. we will spend it in what looks like tree forts buried in the pine trees just outside silver city, new mexico. i am so excited.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

math

monday, march 29: it's true. it's really, really true. the 151 out of 150 on the midterm for a difficult algebra class that i'm struggling with really is actually my grade. i'm floating on air. i was never any good at math; i sucked at math; math was never my friend. to finally be conquering this subject is an amazing accomplishment.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

training

(I am out of date order here, and my smartphone automatically capitalizes everything, but its a gorgeous day and I ton't want to forget sitting on a sun-drenched patio overlooking a pool with the Santa Catalina mountains rising precipitously in the background and a breeze caressing my shoulders...)

outside

sunday, march 28: i head out for a gentle wog; it's been too many weeks since my last outing. the sun is brilliant, and the wind gently tosses my hair from side to side. i love moving my body, moving through and sharing this atmosphere with my neighbors, the grass, the dogs, the pine trees.


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

association

saturday, march 27: i am in a room with 39 other writers, and the community is amazing. people who speak my language, who ask the same questions i do, who know what it's like to bang your head against the wall when you can't move through a sticky situation. it's like church, with authors preaching scriptures to us about plot and characterization, only it's better, because it includes tasty lunch.


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

driver's ed

friday, march 26: my boyfriend's niece passes her driver's license test after months of training with him; she is thrilled, and he is, too. we go out for ice cream in the middle of the day. it's 3pm, and i'm not at work, i'm with people i love, celebrating a milestone, and i am happy.


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

camaraderie

thursday, march 25: you can never underestimate the joy found in the camaraderie of a well-oiled, well-liked team coming together for work, then going out for drinks afterward.



posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

pacing

wednesday, march 24: i start working on math homework at 7 and think--it's going to be a long night. but 1.5 hours later, i have made my way through more than i thought i would. i can relax, and there's still an hour or so before bed. bliss.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

sleeping in

tuesday, march 23: sleeping in until 9am on a weekday is luxurious. i linger in bed, knowing i have plenty of time. i watch the sun peek through the blinds and listen to the birds chirping outside the window and just be.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

cat's outta the bag

monday, march 22: i linger after class, waiting for the last stragglers to finish talking to our instructor. when it's finally clear, i approach him and let him know -- i'm taking the plunge. i'm going to major in creative writing. he's thrilled, as am i.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

a walk in the park

sunday, march 22: we head to the library, one on a bike, one on a scooter and one walking. i savor the sun on my shoulders, the breeze on my face and the sounds of neighborhood children laughing. it is a beautiful day.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

air show

saturday, march 20: i am terrified of flying; i am terrified of airplanes. but i go to the air show anyway, curious to see what it would be like. ash and chris run around from helicopter to airplane and back again. i love walking through the liberty belle, a wwII-era plane that feels like the coolest fort ever. we plunk ourselves down on the grass just as the stunt planes kick off the show, and i am screaming, laughing, getting nauseous and loving every minute of it. after awhile, ash is ready to go, but i keep stopping on our way out, mesmerized by the aerobatic dances in the sky.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

relief

friday, march 19: it's the end of the day, and my desk is clean. it went from groaning under the weight of paper and files two days ago, to empty and spotless. the to-do list is checked off--even some of the items on the maybe-someday-if-i-ever-get-time list have been checked off. i leave the office with a smile on my face and a bounce in my step.


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

kingfisher

thursday, march 18: it's another fun happy hour with a small group of great people. we laugh and giggle and snort and eat fried squid (eww! but yummy! but eww!).


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

airing it out

wednesday, march 17: i make it home after a tough day and open the windows and doors as wide as possible to let the warm air and beautiful breezes roam through my house.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

road trip

tuesday, march 16: i am driving to florence for a presentation for a large project. it's the morning and i'm humming along to joseph rojo's piano. i am joyful, content. there is no real reason, other than, simply, life is good.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

frozen tundra

monday, march 15: i am tired; it's been a long, long day. a craving for frozen yogurt hits me. i decide to delay my arrival at my boyfriend's house--instead, i head for bto yogurt. i fill my cup with mostly nutella yogurt, but add a dash of cake batter. topped with hazelnuts and a dash of chocolate chip cookie dough, it's pure bliss. i enjoy a good half-hour of reading and savoring the sweet, sweet dessert.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

spontaneaity

sunday, march 14: a spontaneous thought from him--let's go for a hike. i'm craving a hike, he says. i need to move. okay, i say, let's go! we aren't sure where, but head toward gate's pass. we get stuck in some sort of cycling event, but make it through. we pull off in the parking area right at the pass, and strike out to the east. we wander through cactus bombs, over rock outcrops and under tree branches. we scramble and pull ourselves up with our hands. we find an enchanted mini-valley with grass and the tiniest flowers i've ever seen. the wind blows and the sun shines and we are happy.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

tucsonfestivalofbooks.org

saturday, march 13: "oh what a beautiful morning! oh what a beautiful day! i've got a beautiful feeeeeeling! everything's going my way..." i sing this song as i walk from my house to starbucks, and then from starbucks to the ua for the tucson festival of books. it's a gorgeous day out and i get to hear from some of my favorite authors. what more could a girl ask for?

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

moulin rouge soundtrack

friday, march 12: i am up at zero dark thirty to go to a networking event in phoenix. i do not like networking events. i do not like phoenix. i do not like long drives in the dark. but i am up on time, and cheerful, no less. i get to spend the drive there and back as a passenger in a convertible with a coworker who laughs loudly and often and who shares a passion for singing at the top of one's lungs while in the car.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

tempest

thursday, march 11: it is a hectic day. projects are whipped into a frenzy, client requests are escalating and coworkers are barely keeping meltdowns at bay. i am moving quickly, a whirling dervish of energy, helping and assisting and trying my best to stay light on my feet. i am relieved when it is time to go take my midterm, because it means i get to leave early. when have i ever in my life been relieved to go take an important math test?!

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

ready

wednesday, march 10: i set down my pencil, tired from the previous few days' hours of studying for the upcoming math midterm. i feel pretty confident. i think i understand the material -- and then some -- and i am ready for the test. this is a new feeling, this confidence, and i savor it.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

spice traminer

tuesday, march 9: a day that included a stressful team meeting, eye-crossing computer time and hours of math studying is topped off with a nice, light glass of "spice traminer," better known as "gewurtztraminer." it's a wine that is a result of a hard-to-grow variety of grape that appears to be a close cousin to savagnin blanc; the spice traminer is a rose-skinned variety, and may be considered a musque` (muscat-like variation -- which means very aromatic). to quote snooth.com: "the wine tends to be wildly aromatic full of honeysuckles and lychee with a thick texture and high potential sugar which makes it an ideal candidate for a lightly sweet to desert styled wine." in other words, just my type. i sit and relax, learning about the history of this wine while feeling the stress unfurl and release from my shoulders.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

checklist

monday, march 8: it is 4:30 p.m. at the end of a day that started with an overdose of stress. but i am cheerful, floating. every item on the to-do list from this morning is checked off: and i have 30 minutes to spare.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

stormy day

sunday, march 7: the rain starts, suddenly, with no warning: a torrential downpour of wind and water. it lashes against the window, assaulting us with sound. it wants in, but we stay inside, comfy, cozy and warm, watching the tempest blow itself out.


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

sisters

saturday, march 6: i am resting, my eyes closed, on a comfortable couch in a small living room while a cacophony of sounds from 16 children under the age of 9 (and one rather loud grandpa) surrounds me. my little sister, who is now a mother of four, rests her head on my shoulder, and i lean back against her. it reminds me of being a kid again, when we lived together--when we breathed the same air and walked the same routes and ate the same meals. i miss how close we were then, or at least, i miss the good times. i hold on to this moment and savor it, this thin slice of love and remembrance and sisterhood.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

for real?

friday, march 5: i think i'm finally ready to admit that writing feels like coming home. that it's okay to try and make a living by writing. i think somewhere along the line, i told myself that the world was full of mediocre writer wanna-bes and i didn't need to add to that. i didn't have enough belief in myself to pursue it. i thought i needed to pursue a real career in the real world of logic and science to prove myself. i think that old belief -- that i'm not good at it -- is fading away. or at least i'm willing to say that even if i am only mediocre, i think i'm good enough that i can make money at it, and more importantly, i love it.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

release

thursday, march 4: a debilitating headache leaves me crashed on the couch at home, in such pain that i don't want to raise my head. i rest and sleep, then thank the heavens i have a laptop and can write e-mails while laying flat on my back. my boyfriend comes over, rubs my head, brings dinner and movie, and then later, digs his thumbs deep into my neck tissue, so deep i cry and then i keep crying when he's done. the release this has given me is staggering. i have energy again. i can move without sharp pains shooting through my head. i can see out of both eyes--there is no gray in my vision. i sleep, hard, and wake up the next morning a new woman.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

written word

wednesday, march 3: i crack open a new book by an author i've never read. an hour and half later, with dinner and dishes done one-handedly (the other hand being busy holding the book)and snuggle time under way, i'm three-quarters of the way through, and loving it. i look forward to finishing the rest while buried under my blankets on my soft and cozy bed tonight as i fall asleep.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

spiderman yahtzee

tuesday, march 2: the cats run around, driven crazy by the sound of dice rolling around in a plastic cup. they jump, startled, when ash throws his arms in the air and lets out a satisfied yelp. there's nothing like a family game night for making everyone excited.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

sleepytime

monday, march 1: i feel miserable. tired and exhausted and crampy and whiny. he listens to me, holds me close, then tucks me into bed. i sigh and relax, finally feeling like everything is okay, feeling safe and soft and comfortable and i float away into dreamland.


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

family dinner

sunday, feb. 28: we sit down at a real table, to eat a real dinner. three of us are sitting in chairs -- real chairs that rise up off the ground -- and eating a real meal (beef, potatoes, veggies!), instead of grabbing whatever is quickest and plopping it down on the coffee table while the TV is on. we have a conversation and we eat and we enjoy each other's company.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

poker

saturday, feb 27: laughter and loud voices fill the air. everyone has their drink of choice, and we sit down to learn how to play poker, tournament style. we play and test and learn and bluff, and most of all, we laugh. at the end of the night, i didn't win -- i was one of the first out -- but i don't mind. it wasn't about winning. it was about the camaraderie.


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

cleanin' machine

friday, feb 26: i finish the most pressing matters at work, just in time to join the office-wide cleaning party. i clean and organize and sort and recycle and look at old, old drawings and plans and posters (we find original plans for the office building for when it was a hair salon) and marvel at the fact that my boss -- a notorious packrat -- is actually throwing things away! we spend 90 minutes working together on an organizational blitz, and it feels so, so good when i finally walk out the door at 5 pm. nothing like a little spring cleaning to put a bounce in my step.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

old friends

thursday, feb 25: we are a disparate group, brought together over the years by a common employer. many of the group no longer work there and we are spread out across the country. coming back together is satisfying, fulfilling. we pass the kids around the table and chase them around the restaurant, and we laugh and smile. the joy of connection powers me through the rest of the day.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

books

wednesday, feb 24: ash picks out a black lagoon book at the library, opens it as soon as we finish scootering home, reads it through dinner and american idol and then takes it to bed. after his normal 15 minutes of reading time, i come in to turn out the light and give kisses, and i see he only has a few pages left. "go for it," i tell him. "you can stay up late to finish the book." he does about 10 minutes later, his first-ever finish in one night of an entire chapter book. he is so excited and happy. i know that feeling, i love that feeling, i can only hope he cherishes that feeling as much as i do, and grows up to love books and stories as much as me.


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

drive to sonoita

tuesday, feb 23: the mountains rise gracefully from the desert foothills, reaching to the sky, snow covering their alpine tips. i drive the car up, down, around--i am flying over the road, over the hills, through the mountains. i imagine myself as a bird, swooping through the grasses and up, up, up through the rocks to the very tippy-top of the world.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

the small stuff

monday, feb 22: it's a cranky day, and not even my writing class can buoy my spirits. i don't know what's wrong with me, but certainly nothing is right. but at the end of the day, i walk into his house and sink into his sofa and watch ice dancing on olympics and think to myself...it's the little things that matter.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

nothing

sunday, feb 21: with a sick kid, i am stuck inside all day. we don't leave the house until 5pm, when it's time for him to go back to his dad's house. we spend the day lolling about the house, wearing our pjs and robes, and reading or playing on the computer, while the olympics are on in the background. there is nowhere to go and nothing we have to do and we are content with that.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

storm

saturday, feb 20: it's quiet and dark and the window blinds are open, exposing me to the elements. the rain is lashing the building, punishing it for the inexplicable reason that it exists in a place where only the rain and the clouds and the earth and the rivers of stormwater should be.


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

numb3rs

friday, feb 19: math may not be simple or easy for me, but i find a simple satisfaction in attacking a complicated problem, applying logic and producing a correct result. (let's just ignore the times i attack a problem and cannot produce a correct result regardless of the amount of logic i throw and throw and throw at it.) although, i suppose, getting the right answer wouldn't be nearly as satisfying if i got it at all times. it's also important to note that spending hours on math problems is much more satisfying when it's following with a blue moon beer at nimbus bistro with a group of friends.

hmm...perhaps it's best summed up as:

(spending hours challenging myself with math problems) + (getting the right answer/getting the wrong answer)+ (a beer)(friends) = joy


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

happy hour

thursday, feb 18: a small group of diverse people from various parts of my life gather around a table in a dimly lit bar. two manhattans, a red wine, a white wine and a beer are scattered across the table. loud voices laugh and joke and join together and bounce off each other in a raucous dance of connection and chaos, in harmony with our shared simple desire to reach out and touch someone.

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a(n almost) daily joy journal

lunch

wednesday, feb 17: i head out of the office, into the warm breezes of february in tucson in the sonoran desert, happy to spend a few hours with a laid-back team of geologists, hydrologists and engineers who think the best way to plan for a project is to work hard then eat a good lunch.

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a(n almost) daily joy journal

provisions

tuesday, feb 16: sometimes, it's the small things. like getting grocery shopping done at lunch, filling the refrigerator with orange juice and turkey meatballs and milk and yogurt and apples and when you look at all the fridge shelves full of healthy foods that will provide nutrition and nurturing and care for your family, you can breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that everything's ok.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

run forrest run

monday, feb 15: the blue, blue sky stretches out before me and the creosote scent wafts on the breeze that ruffles my hair. my heart is steadily pounding in rhythm with my legs that turn over and over and over again on this, my lunchtime run. i walk only to warm up and cool down, and my leg and hamstring and knee are not tight and do not hurt. i am running and moving and breathing and absorbing and alive.


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

be mine

sunday, feb 14: the mid-morning sun seeps through the blinds, illuminating the cottage white bedroom in a soft glow. i sleep and read and have breakfast (and flowers) served to me. then i sleep and read some more. i embrace and luxuriate in the rare feeling of having time and space to do absolutely nothing and i smile.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

busy-ness

saturday, feb 13: it's a busy day! i spend it slightly hungover from the birthday party the night before (note to self: don't drink four manhattans in one night again), but i get up early and go to the gym and then go out with my boyfriend and his dad and nieces to go see ansel adams at the tucson museum of art and then we go have lunch at the b-line and then i go shopping. i don't find a cute dress but i do find a good card for the night's anniversary/valentine's dinner at a swanky restaurant. by the end of the night, i crash on the sofa, unable to keep my eyes open to watching the olympics. i crawl into bed half asleep with a smile on my face and contentment in my bones.

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a(n almost) daily joy journal

submission

friday, feb 12: i search through the hallways, looking for room j112. after wandering through a maze, i find the office and tentatively ask if this is where i drop off submissions. it is. i give her the forms and my work and walk away. i did it. i submitted a short story and five poems to sandscript, the yearly pcc creative arts publication. will they choose to publish one (or more?) of my work(s)? i don't know. i'm just happy to have submitted it.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

bball

thursday, feb 11: the band is playing and the cheerleaders are cheering and the dancers are dancing. the music is loud and the crowd's roar is louder. i've never attended a ua basketball game and i am having so much fun enjoying the spectacle.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a(n almost) daily joy journal

endorphins

wednesday, feb 10: endorphins crash through my body at the end of a long day that included a stressful conversation. i work it out at the gym, pushing myself on the elliptical, the rowing machine, the stationary bike. i lift weights and i rock out to belly. i forget about everything and just let the endorphins flow.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
an (almost) daily joy journal

numbers

tuesday, feb 9: i'm muttering out loud, trying to make sense of this semester's algebra class, slowly but surely working my way through studying for the first module's test. i haven't done well so far and am puzzled. was my previous instructor as bad as i thought she was? i find that i'm floundering, and this is frustrating. but i find a certain rhythm, a certain joy, in untangling the puzzles. i may not get it right each time, but the act of moving -- however slowly -- through a series of formulas and logic is soothing and brings a certain peace to my hectic life.


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
an (almost) daily joy journal

art

monday, feb 8: we gather 'round, in groups of three, to read and discuss material we've written. it's invigorating, hearing two people discuss your work, your art, your words. it's a new experience for me, to have someone other than my boyfriend or my family or a long-ago instructor reading fiction i've written. it's exciting. does it make an impact on other people? it does, and i receive valuable feedback in response. why didn't i pursue this sooner? why did i shut the door on this? part of me regrets that i didn't follow what this path earlier in my life, but another part thinks i'm right (write?) where i should be.


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
an (almost) daily joy journal

rainy morning

sunday, feb 7: i open the front door, intending to bring in the rugs I left drying on the balcony overnight, only to be greeted with rain -- and sopping wet rugs. oops. instead, i turn on my computer to check the weather and discover an email from a friend who is doing an aquathlon at the UA -- just down the road -- this morning. i check the time -- if we leave now, we might still get to cheer him on. i bundle up ash and we head out into the rain. after wandering the UA, cheering on other runners, and getting wet, we find his mom at the finish line. we haven't missed him yet. a few minutes later, he comes running through the finish line. yay! we explore around the pool as the rain gets harder and harder. ash is completely, absolutely soaking wet by this time, and even i -- under the umbrella -- can't hide from it. we are chilled to the bone but we laugh as we make our way back to our car. what better way to start a sunday than with a spontaneous adventure in the rain.


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
an (almost) daily joy journal

greenery

saturday, feb 6: i am filling the car with my art work, even the large pieces, to take to a friend, who will shoot photos of them so i can submit my work to a local 'artist emporium'. i stop on the sidewalk, my arms sore from the weight of two pieces, and just inhale the smell of freshly cut grass basking in the sun.


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an (almost) daily joy journal

spontaneity

friday, feb 5: i pick ash up from his dad and, impulsively, decide to go to casa video. let's rent a movie and eat in and not do anything at all tonight but snuggle. no pressure to get chores done, to get errands done, to go anywhere or do anything. freedom!


posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
an (almost) daily joy journal

home

thursday, jan. 4: sometimes it's the simplest of things that brings one joy. i am joyful that i got out of bed in time to get dressed and have a leisurely morning making -- and more importantly, drinking -- my coffee at home. no rush to get out of the house to drop ash off in time. no rush to get chores done ahead of time. no rush to make sure the cats are fed, watered and have clean litter. just me, in the kitchen, drinking my own coffee out of my own mug in the peace of my own house, talking to the cats who are ever so vocal this morning and listening to ash watch curious george.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
an (almost) daily joy journal

going for a swim

wednesday, jan 3: i play, my fingers dancing over the computer keyboard, capturing the stories in my imagination. i let the characters tell me who they are and where they are and why. i uncover scenes in their lives and smile as i bring them to life. i float in words, swim in words, dive down, down, down, deeper, till i find the right one, or right phrase, to describe exactly what my mind's eye sees. this, this, is truly life and joy -- art and creation and stories and words

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
an (almost) daily joy journal

afternoon sun

tuesday, jan 2: i'm exhausted. i lay on the couch, sprawled out and immobile. i let the edges of unconsciousness draft over me. there is nothing i have to do in this moment. no pressure, no expectations, no demands. the splash and sounds of the cats' water fountain plays in the background. the more immediate sound of cats purring lulls me to sleep. it's just me, the cats and the warm afternoon sun.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
an (almost) daily joy journal

warmth

monday, feb 1: the alarm sounds but i don't want to wake up. i am still recovering from the weekend and i just want to sleep. i roll over and feel that i am not alone. i let myself forget about stress, forget about the day ahead, forget about my exhaustion, and just snuggle up and yield to his warmth.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
an (almost) daily joy journal

cats

sunday, jan 31: i collapse on my couch after a second day of stress. i made it back home, and the cats are mad at me for being gone. they meow, they scold, they jump up on the couch next to me and use their sharp claws to knead my sensitive skin. finally, they curl up on me, each in their own spot, purring contentedly, and lull me to sleep.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
an (almost) daily joy journal

good (k)night

saturday, jan 30: i am exhausted. the day was stress-filled, people stimulated, full of negative emotions and unable to fix them. i am surprised and sad, and unsure how to sort out my own emotions surrounding the issue, when my knight in shining armor, otherwise known as my boyfriend in a beige "granny car" suburu, pulls up at the curb. he sweeps me away, or rather putt-putts down the road, and takes me to a stress-free dinner that includes a glass of soft red wine to ease the stress out of my body. he takes me through downtown Phoenix, where we walk and explore and hold hands and play in fountains and light sculptures. when we find a pianist who plays beautiful music, we listen, clap enthusiastically and buy his cd. i treasure this cd, a reminder of a magical night with a magical knight that brought such joy and laughter.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
an (almost) daily joy journal

flying

friday, jan 29: i fly down the hill, my spirit soaring, my skis slicing through the snow. the trees are covered in white, as far as the eye can see. i laugh at miniature icicles that form on the very edges of the tree limbs, on the needles themselves. my quads burn, my lungs pump oxygen to my body. i am alive.

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
an (almost) daily joy journal

excitement

thursday, jan 28: i am packing frantically, full of anticipation, trying to get everything ready for the next day, the entire weekend. it is full of activity, some of it fun, some not-so-fun. i am excited as i put skis in the car. skiing! tomorrow! on mt. lemmon!

posted on onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
an (almost) daily joy journal

winter weather warning

wednesday, jan 27: i stop quietly, suddenly. i am outside the library, in the park. people are walking, running, playing all around me. i close my eyes and savor the feel of the cool, damp breeze flowing over my face, through my sweater, caressing my neck, my arms, my legs. i open my eyes slightly, just enough to see the clouds racing across the sky, my half-open eyes drinking in the sight of gray and white, a change from the normally bright blue sky, before i quickly move again, ready to continue with my day.

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an (almost) daily joy journal

words, words, words

tuesday, jan 26: i bathe in words, in possibilities, in ideas of "what if". i adore my short story writing class and can feel my heart blossoming as i contemplate how to approach my first assignment. i've opened a door that has remained closed for a number years and i am cleaning out the cobwebs, dusting off the surfaces and reminding myself of what it's like to create using words.


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an (almost) daily joy journal

finished

monday, jan 25: it's done. i drop the report on my boss's desk, finished. after receiving and analyzing 719 comments over the course of a week, knowing i have only a short time to collect and process the data, i have summarized the results and am finally ready for internal q&c. i walk out of her office with a lightness in my step and joy in my heart.

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an (almost) daily joy journal

rest

sunday, jan 24: i find myself once again drowsily ensconced on my couch with purring kittens draped over me, softly kneading my pink fuzzy robe, listening faintly to the jets game in the background as i give in to the urge to let my eyes slowly close and let my body just rest, even if only for a moment.

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a daily joy journal

bedtime

friday, jan 22: i sink down at the end of a long day. the soft mattress embraces my weary bones, the pillow ensconces my head. the stress seeps out of my neck muscles and i take a deep breath. a cat pounces on the bed, attacking my head, attempting to subdue me. i have just enough energy left to lift my hand and pet her head before my eyes close of their own accord and i fall asleep.

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a daily joy journal

connection

thursday, jan 21: i look around the table and smile at glasses clinking and laughter spilling out over our table and beyond. i see people from different aspects of my life mingling together and enjoying each other's company. it may be stormy and windy and dark and rainy outside, but inside, we are warm and cozy and happy.

from onepinkfuzzysnippets.blogspot.com
a daily joy journal

weight

wednesday, jan 20: it's been a long day and my brain is fried eggs. words aren't traveling from my brain to my mouth very quickly and i find myself snapping my fingers impatiently as though that will help me sort through the mess inside my head to find the appropriate sounds and syllables to convey to my seven-year-old exactly what it is i mean. he just looks at me blankly. dammit, why can't he read my mind?? i give up trying to tell him what i want and just reach for him and tug him up on my lap. sometimes i miss his tiny body as a baby, how he just fit in my arms and i could hold him to my heart's content. now, he is more than half my height, and heavy to boot. i can't carry him around the living room anymore to get him to sleep, nuzzling his ear gently while singing coldplay's ticking clocks. i can't say i love him by just picking him up, nestling him in the wrap and going about my normal household chores with him sticking out my side or front as though he's an additional appendage, as necessary as a hand or arm or leg. i miss that, so i drag his child-size body up next to me. he reads, silently mouthing the words he is unfamiliar with, while i watch american idol and savor the weight of his body against mine and caress his head with my nose, breathing deeply of his earthen, windblown smell. i read once that have a child is like having your heart walk outside your body, and that is so true to me. i cherish him, i hold him, i hug him and i think, i never want you to stop being okay with me hugging you.

tuesday, jan 19: i get an e-mail out of the blue from a friend, t: want to meet for a slow wog tonight? yes!

i bring ash, who decides baby z, mama p and t's mom j are the coolest people ever. he tells me to keep doing laps with t around the park. more, mom, more, he says. do three more laps!

t fills me in on the ultra and we talk about skiing and snowboarding and running while he limps beside me. the combo of his long legs and my short legs usually means that his walk is my jog, but not tonight. he is still recovering from 38.5 miles on sunday. i don't mind. i just like being out, in the evening, moving my body, while talking. it's wonderfully delightful.

baby z laughs and giggles and squirms and claps and ever so tentatively walks around the park. ash is delighted with him. ash also decides mama p and j are awesome, too, and when we go to the library after the run, he drags j in and shows her all the awesome books.

we part with loud, cheery good-byes and can't wait for the next time we get to get together.

sushi cho

monday, jan 18: agedashi tofu, pan-fried gyoza, sticky white rice, sake and good conversation at the end of a chaotic day of answering the never-ending phone calls and e-mails (miles or kilometers?).

go jets!

sunday, jan 17: sleeping off the dehydration from the previous night while faintly hearing the jets game in the background, then waking up in enough time to watch the jets win.

bar-hopping

saturday, jan 16: i go bar-hopping on a busy saturday night on 4th ave and downtown with him and an old friend of his. i'm not normally a bar-hopping kind of girl, but the energy and good beer and wonderful vodka tonics topped off with a song at karaoke at a favorite place leaves me with a warm, fuzzy feeling of happiness.

the park

friday, jan 15: the late-afternoon winter sun slants through the pine trees, warming the sentinels just enough for them to give off the slight scent of nostalgia. i walk gently, softly, and then jog, floating on air. children's shouts are faint in the distance; dog owners whistle and chase after their charges on a rare, wide expanse of green lawn. i am free, unbound. i am alive. i am joy.

respite

thursday, jan 14: dinner at pei wei. my only companion, a delightful book. my legs are pleasantly shaky from a second strength-training session in a week and my shoulders, while sore, are finally releasing pent-up stress. the scent of ginger and scallions wafts up from my now-empty plate and my stomach acknowledges its satisfaction. the ultralight beer glides down my throat, crisp fizziness floating ever so gently down, down, down. i sigh, placing the beer down on the table and diving deeper into the book, a quiet respite from the white noise of daily life.

fuzziness

wednesday, jan 13: rough day. where's the joy? reaching out to friends. snuggling in my pink fuzzy robe and curling up with the cats and ash while watching the fizzy bubbles rise to the surface and pop in my tonic water. it's the brief moments in time, a breath, and, to paraphrase a friend, they start to piling up on each other, creating more and more and more.

lunch

tuesday, jan 12: meeting a friend for lunch in the park and trading food, just like in elementary school. feeling the sun on my neck and back, warming and energizing my tired bones. watching tennis players practice and high schoolers wander the park, picking up trash. taking the time out of a busy day to just sit and relax.

sleepy time

monday, jan 11: falling asleep in his bed while he sits on the dresser, listening to him talk about work and life and family and thoughts and ideas.

sunday, jan 10: deep-cleaning and decluttering the house, in and of itself, is not joy-inducing. it's headache-inducing, perhaps. overwhelming and tiring, for sure. but there is no 'joy' in the process. i am exhausted and yet still feel the compulsion to finish the job. it can be soul-cleansing and i have joy when i am finished and survey the house, organized and clean (mostly; i ignored the art table/filing bin) -- no more piles of paper and books falling over the place (mostly), no more toys piled up in precarious towers.

after taking out three trader joe's paper bags full of recycled material to the recycling bin, three giant trash bags to the trash, two giant trash bags and one box of clothes/toys, plus a bike, to twice as nice, a box of books and magazines to bookman's and another, larger box of books prepared to be taken to friends of pima county library, along with sweeping, mopping, scrubbing, dusting and vacuuming almost every available surface, i thought i'd feel a little more joyful; instead, i see everything i missed. but that's not the point of this resolution. the point is to see the joy.

so, i will turn my focus from the small section of house i didn't clean today and i will look at the rest of the house -- sparkly, organized, clean.

where to begin?

saturday, jan 9: eating lunch on the top of a hill after hiking 2.5 miles with three kids and a friend in perfect weather...scattered clouds, light breeze, plenty of sunshine...savoring the turkey, hummus & provolone in a pita with lettuce while savoring the expansive view of the catalina mountains.

watching his delight with a $10 gift certificate at bookman's...so many books to choose from! where to begin?

making dinner. yes, making dinner. i love to cook. the texture and smell of the food, the creation of something new from disparate pieces. not only do i get to create, but then we get to eat it. best of all worlds.

snuggling during the bedtime story.

the little things

friday, jan. 8: the good-night bear-hug. the weight of pi as she snuggles deeper into my chest, purring her contentment. the softness of my pink robe as it ensconces me in its warm fuzziness. the bursting flavor of tonic water with a hint of clementines as it washes the stress of the day away. settling into my bed and turning out the light.

clouds + breezes

thursday, jan. 7: i walk out of the dark building. the late afternoon sunlight slides across my face and the breeze caresses my cheeks as though she hasn't seen in me in ages, although it's only been an hour. i smile and stop and my eyes close. i inhale the sweet scent of the sycamore tree and listen to the kids across the street tumbling out of their classrooms and into waiting cars. i open my eyes to watch the clouds. i see painter's strokes, smearing and sorting and streaming and bunching and highlighting. who knew how many different shades of white and gray could exist?

hugs

wednesday, jan 6: it's late. he comes out of his bedroom, scared there's a black widow in a jacket lying on the floor. silly boy. i tell him we have a bug guy that comes every month and sprays down the house, so there's no way any bugs -- even black widows -- can get inside the house. he hesitates -- can he trust me? -- and decides it's okay. he comes over and gives me a huge hug, just hugging and hugging and hugging, before clambering back into his house, thoughts of a black widow vanquished.

try again

tuesday, jan 5: dusk falls as je keeps falling off his bike. he growls and stomps away, tears threatening to spill out of his baby blue eyes. this bike is big for his seven-year-old body; he's just learned how to ride without training wheels. he is discouraged. i sit down on the curb and ask him to do the same -- and to listen to me. i tell him that you fall off a bike, it's ok. you just take a deep breath, say "man, that was scary," and get back on to try again. he doesn't believe me. i promise him that if he can do that to the end of the parking lot -- just get up and back on the bike every time he falls, i'll carry his bike the rest of the way home. his eyes light up. "but, mom, what about this deal. i make it all the way over to where we started from without falling, and you get me baskin-robbins." oh-ho! we have ourselves a negotiation. "nope. i don't care if you fall or not," i tell him. "just make it to where we started from without throwing and fit and with getting back up on the bike each time you fall, and i'll take you to bto yogurt. deal?" "deal." and he does it. with confidence and joy.

running + beer

monday, jan 4: it's nighttime downtown and a little cold and we got off-course, but now we are running where we should be and being passed by a multitude of other like-minded people. we finish and head to her house for pork sandwiches made by her husband and i enjoy a beer. life is good.

ahhhh

sunday, jan 3: football. no homework. bliss.

manhattan

saturday, jan 2: the band plays jazz and i enjoy a manhattan with friends at a swanky bar in the lower foothills. we laugh and share stories from a recent ski trip. afterward, he takes me to in-n-out burger, the best place to absorb a buzz. mmm, chocolate milkshake!

go take a hike

i know, i know. blogging is so last decade. i don't care. this suits my new year's resolution: find one snippet of joy each day and write it down.

friday, jan 1: it's the middle of the day and the parking lot is packed. i circle around and around and around before i finally snag a spot. i throw on the camelback and head out for a hike. i stop often, photographing random details. the sun is shining and i am smiling.